Mystery Decks
This is not an angry or emo post. It's more of a random opinion thing.
If you're familiar with trading card games, you might agree that half the battle in such games is determined by how you set up your deck; the other half is how you utilise your cards in each battle itself.
Basically, for those who never played trading card games before, such as Yu-Gi-Oh or Magic or Hearthstone, these are card games where you...
If you're familiar with trading card games, you might agree that half the battle in such games is determined by how you set up your deck; the other half is how you utilise your cards in each battle itself.
Basically, for those who never played trading card games before, such as Yu-Gi-Oh or Magic or Hearthstone, these are card games where you...
- Collect cards - each card has a different use, different power, and different rarity;
- Put cards together in a stack (how many per stack depends on what trading card game you're playing) and call it a deck; and
- Use your deck to battle against another player's deck. Usually, this involves drawing one or more card(s) from your deck per turn and putting it in your "hand". You can choose when to use the cards in your hand.
For example, for Yu-Gi-Oh, the requirements for a deck is minimally 40 cards (I think...?). You can have 50 or 60 or 100 cards for all you want, but you must have at least 40 cards. So naturally, as a kid, I created a deck with 60 cards and felt so confident that it was a great deck. But I always lost because I never drew the card I was waiting for when I was battling against another player. That's because I had too many cards. They were all useful cards, but not in the circumstance.
The lesson I eventually learned is that more is not necessarily more. Sometimes a 40-card deck is better than a 60-card deck. With less cards, it is more likely for you to draw the card that you really need...
Unless that card isn't in the deck in the first place.
This is the part where I link to life like I always do. In a way, life is like a trading card game. I like to think that before we're born, our spirit sets up the deck. When we're born, however, all our memories disappear so we have no idea what cards are in our deck, until we start drawing them. Hence, it's kind of like a mystery deck. So, we kind of tossed ourselves into the ocean with equipments we don't know we have.
If we're lucky, the first few cards we draw are good. In translation, we're born with traits or skills that are suitable for our early lives - things like obedience, a natural talent discovered early, or confidence. But not everyone is lucky; some draw unsuitable (not lousy) cards right from the start. Let's say your first card is "assertiveness" and you use it, the adults are just going to perceive that as disobedience or naughty behaviour. And just like that, your assertiveness is used up.
From here on, you can either follow your momentum and continue failing or find a way to turn things around. You can be convinced that your deck is lousy or hold on to the hope that things will turn around. In real life, we call this "turning around" late blooming.
Linking this back to my Yu-Gi-Oh example, if we've hard a rough start, we sure better hope that we did a good job setting up our decks. We better wish we have the right cards(/resources) and didn't throw in too much rubbish. In the meantime, sometimes we draw wonderful cards at the wrong moments and waste it away or draw such cards too late. Maybe we'll draw "enlightenment" one day before we die.
What I'm trying to get at is that we don't know what cards we have, neither do we know for sure that we don't have something. We don't know the value of a card until we chance upon the right circumstance but we're always going to keep drawing new cards. The impulsive things to do is to throw away or use up cards which we think are not useful and regret it later on; the better option is to fully understand these cards and decide when we might need it. Sometimes, patience and strategising pay off.
We get all these cards on our hands. It's really up to how to play it. Do we think of how we should've set up our decks instead in the middle of the game? That would be pointless. What would help is thinking, being smart, and understanding.
Last year, I was playing this trading card game app on my phone called Hearthstone and I kind of sucked at it. My friend came over and taught me how to thrash the opponent. He told me what a wonderful deck I had and showed me that his key to victory was in making sure he always had full control of his hand. He used cards with effects such as "draw two cards whenever a minion uses heal" to the best of his advantage and withheld action whenever possible while the opponent impatiently wasted away cards from his own hand. And when the time was right, my friend used one card after another to completely destroy the opponent, which was only possible because he'd done so much preparation by waiting for the right moment.
So sometimes in life, we really have to think. We also have to always seek to draw more cards. In a more real-life context, if we try to be resourceful, we're in more control of our lives.
Now, let me move on to the second part of this post, which was what inspired me to write it in the first place.
What about those people who got the completely wrong deck?
What if a woman is born inside a man's body or a really rich kid really hates being a rich kid (they exist, okay)? I'm not going to pretend I really understand people under such circumstance and I don't think you should. I guess that's why we should never be condescending towards such people. It's so easy to be grossed out when someone changes his gender and it's so easy to look down on the "spoilt brats" who "always had it easy", but what do we know? We're not them. We can't ever understand for sure what they are thinking or feeling.
(The above paragraph is why I wrote the first sentence of this post - I emphasise that this isn't a rant)
Imagine you go into a trading card battle with a heavily offensive deck. You're all prepared to deal huge damage and thrash opponents in straightforward combat... But then you realise your opponent's deck is equipped to nullify offence. He has cards like "reduce enemy minion's attack to 1" or "destroy minions with attack 5 or higher". We might want to close our eyes to such misfortunes, but they do happen, and sometimes there really is nothing we can do.
Except to embrace them.
Sometimes we can turn a helpless situation around, sometimes we need help to turn a helpless situation around. Let me end this very preachy post with a quote from my favourite anime.
"How can I know how to use Swords? I don't know how to navigate. I can't cook. I can't lie. I am sure that if no one helps me, I can't survive! But I can do one thing. I can kick your Ass!" - Luffy, One Piece (Oda)
Labels: preachy, reflection, reliving those days
The Curse of TV
Contrary to how so many teachers, authors, and model students think, I feel that TV is a wonderful thing. It's important, entertaining, and clever. It's nothing surprising, though, that when we were in school, teachers talked about TV like how it's the worst thing ever, how it dumbs you down, takes away your life, and so on. From time to time, I'd read paragraphs in novels about how TV is bad and books are good. And then obviously, in order to please their favourite teachers/mentors/parents/whatever, "model students" would pretend that they agree.
TV is good. It projects fantasies into the minds of the unimaginative or the lazy (ie. movies/dramas), breaks down information into concise bits so audiences don't get bogged down by details (ie. news), announces stuff efficiently (ie. ads), creates conversation (ie. reality TV, dramas, current affair, infotainment, docus), serves as platforms for greater things (ie. competitions, charity programmes, talk shows), and so much more. How would anything replace that? Then again, how would anything replace anything?
That said, there is another camp of people that is so obsessed with TV that they let it take over majority of their free time. I'm talking about how Sally goes home, washes up, and then immediately switches it on and starts flipping through netflix or fushion or whatever. And you may think this happens mostly to children, teenagers, or young adults, but sometimes I think middle-age adults are more susceptible to it.
Sally has been consumed by TV. Why not? It's such a wonderful thing. She gets to watch other people's lives - lives that are better than hers, - gets to enter intriguing worlds of medieval chaos, gets to feel the excitement of the participants racing around China, and exercise her critical thinking in figuring out who is plotting against who in the latest period drama she is watching. There is no longer a need to figure out how to spend the weekends, no longer a need to step under the sweltering sun to watch how the world has changed in the span of years, and no longer a need to spend money on other things that makes her happy. TV is everything.
Except, Sally doesn't realise TV is poison. A little of it is wonderful - makes you feel all light-headed and free, having been brought to a better world. But too much of it, and it takes over and crush you from everywhere - the front, the back, the sides, the inside. TV tricks you into thinking you're thinking while it numbs your brain and lulls you into addiction; it tugs on your leash when you decide to go somewhere else; it keeps you from seeing the actual world, rather than the cropped and filtered ones it chooses to show.
TV is a mass hypnosis. It overwhelms your senses by pushing your sight and hearing to its limits before suggesting and suggesting. It repeats patterns over and over till it becomes reality. It readjusts your paradigms so your wavelength become its producers'. It seduces you so you detach yourself from a less ideal reality and in turn pulls you back into the web. It manipulates your desires with rhythms of highs and lows, with the highs placed at the end of each episode so your interest never dies - "one more episode" is a lie because it is what writers are banking on.
And if you never realise it, you'll fall deeper and lose sight of how it destroys your life. You stop thinking or remembering. You become stale. Your conversations become emptier. Your internet becomes slower. Your hearing worsens. Your eyesight dulls. You find yourself becoming less equipped to deal with life. You find yourself dependent.
Life is difficult, and TV sometimes seems like an easier way to "live". Don't let it be. TV is a wonderful thing, but it is poison. Take it in moderation.
TV is good. It projects fantasies into the minds of the unimaginative or the lazy (ie. movies/dramas), breaks down information into concise bits so audiences don't get bogged down by details (ie. news), announces stuff efficiently (ie. ads), creates conversation (ie. reality TV, dramas, current affair, infotainment, docus), serves as platforms for greater things (ie. competitions, charity programmes, talk shows), and so much more. How would anything replace that? Then again, how would anything replace anything?
That said, there is another camp of people that is so obsessed with TV that they let it take over majority of their free time. I'm talking about how Sally goes home, washes up, and then immediately switches it on and starts flipping through netflix or fushion or whatever. And you may think this happens mostly to children, teenagers, or young adults, but sometimes I think middle-age adults are more susceptible to it.
Sally has been consumed by TV. Why not? It's such a wonderful thing. She gets to watch other people's lives - lives that are better than hers, - gets to enter intriguing worlds of medieval chaos, gets to feel the excitement of the participants racing around China, and exercise her critical thinking in figuring out who is plotting against who in the latest period drama she is watching. There is no longer a need to figure out how to spend the weekends, no longer a need to step under the sweltering sun to watch how the world has changed in the span of years, and no longer a need to spend money on other things that makes her happy. TV is everything.
Except, Sally doesn't realise TV is poison. A little of it is wonderful - makes you feel all light-headed and free, having been brought to a better world. But too much of it, and it takes over and crush you from everywhere - the front, the back, the sides, the inside. TV tricks you into thinking you're thinking while it numbs your brain and lulls you into addiction; it tugs on your leash when you decide to go somewhere else; it keeps you from seeing the actual world, rather than the cropped and filtered ones it chooses to show.
TV is a mass hypnosis. It overwhelms your senses by pushing your sight and hearing to its limits before suggesting and suggesting. It repeats patterns over and over till it becomes reality. It readjusts your paradigms so your wavelength become its producers'. It seduces you so you detach yourself from a less ideal reality and in turn pulls you back into the web. It manipulates your desires with rhythms of highs and lows, with the highs placed at the end of each episode so your interest never dies - "one more episode" is a lie because it is what writers are banking on.
And if you never realise it, you'll fall deeper and lose sight of how it destroys your life. You stop thinking or remembering. You become stale. Your conversations become emptier. Your internet becomes slower. Your hearing worsens. Your eyesight dulls. You find yourself becoming less equipped to deal with life. You find yourself dependent.
Life is difficult, and TV sometimes seems like an easier way to "live". Don't let it be. TV is a wonderful thing, but it is poison. Take it in moderation.
Choose Your Pain
Some time ago, I read an article somewhere that said something to the effect of "instead of deciding on what kind of benefits you want in your life, decide on what kind of pain are you willing to go through to get to where you want to be", and I thought it made a lot of sense.
These past one year plus has opened my eyes to a lot of things. It made me more self-conscious, made me doubt myself, utterly destroyed me, and then prompted me to stand back up. But wait! Before you think it's all about army, let me just say that army is just the environment; the environment doesn't make us, the people do.
Anyway, I always had this naive believe that it's possible to get what I want with minimal pain, minimal failure, and minimal discouragement, as long as I choose my path wisely. But life teaches us that there will be difficulties no matter what we choose to do. Say, if I want to be a therapist, I'll have to go through a lot of psychological setbacks before I can gain the ability to understand people and the things they suffer from. I'll then have to study a lot, work really hard, and maybe lead a relatively lonely life. If, on the other hand, I choose to be a scriptwriter, I'll have to watch TV - a lot of it. I have to watch shows I like and shows I hate, and I have to force myself to enjoy things I really don't. Then, I'll have to face a lot of external conflicts because ideas are passionate stuff and they always clash. There is also the audience's negative reaction, low pay, etc.
My point is that there will be different pain that comes with different choices. There's no avoiding them. However, we get to choose. Am I more willing to go through financial difficulty amidst a wealthy soul (and perhaps watch my would-be family suffer) or am I more willing to have a less fulfilling life with more stability?
And after we choose our pain, we stick with it and take ownership of it. Recently, I've learned that taking ownership of whatever you go through and whatever you are is self-empowerment. When we own this pain that we chose, we are powerful enough to get through it or to live it. It becomes part of us and it's okay, because it's always a duality: Good and bad; comfort and pain.
I think I made my choice but I shall not share them yet. I hope you made yours.
These past one year plus has opened my eyes to a lot of things. It made me more self-conscious, made me doubt myself, utterly destroyed me, and then prompted me to stand back up. But wait! Before you think it's all about army, let me just say that army is just the environment; the environment doesn't make us, the people do.
Anyway, I always had this naive believe that it's possible to get what I want with minimal pain, minimal failure, and minimal discouragement, as long as I choose my path wisely. But life teaches us that there will be difficulties no matter what we choose to do. Say, if I want to be a therapist, I'll have to go through a lot of psychological setbacks before I can gain the ability to understand people and the things they suffer from. I'll then have to study a lot, work really hard, and maybe lead a relatively lonely life. If, on the other hand, I choose to be a scriptwriter, I'll have to watch TV - a lot of it. I have to watch shows I like and shows I hate, and I have to force myself to enjoy things I really don't. Then, I'll have to face a lot of external conflicts because ideas are passionate stuff and they always clash. There is also the audience's negative reaction, low pay, etc.
My point is that there will be different pain that comes with different choices. There's no avoiding them. However, we get to choose. Am I more willing to go through financial difficulty amidst a wealthy soul (and perhaps watch my would-be family suffer) or am I more willing to have a less fulfilling life with more stability?
And after we choose our pain, we stick with it and take ownership of it. Recently, I've learned that taking ownership of whatever you go through and whatever you are is self-empowerment. When we own this pain that we chose, we are powerful enough to get through it or to live it. It becomes part of us and it's okay, because it's always a duality: Good and bad; comfort and pain.
I think I made my choice but I shall not share them yet. I hope you made yours.
Labels: preachy, reflection
The Pit
Since I haven't written in a while - not just blog entries, but anything at all -, it's probably a good idea to write another entry straight after my what-happened-in-my-life entry (scroll down). I just want to say that writing and self-expression is so important to me and I don't know what to do without these things around. I may not have mentioned that primary school was terribly awful for me and I only managed to get through it with countless negative, somewhat disgusting rant posts about my friends, the people whose boots I was licking (not literally, please), and the environment in general. It was full of self-pity and all that. If you want to know my true colours, you should go check the archives of this blog all the way at 2004-2006, but opps, I've deleted them all because I am so ashamed of myself. My life probably wasn't as bad as many people's. Maybe it wasn't even really bad at all, but because I was this person I was, it sucked super a lot.
Let's draw a metaphor using a pit. It's pretty obvious, but everyone of us start out at different points of the pit. Some people start at the bottom, surrounded by darkness, coldness, and all that. Some start out near the top, and their lives are generally colourful. And then, from there, we all try climbing to the top. The top = happiness. At least, that's what we think. And then some people fall from above, some continuously rise. Some people who started from way below finally see the colours of the sky after climbing and climbing while those who fell lost their way in the newfound darkness. Some never saw the sky. Some think they'll never see the sky. But they will. Just keep climbing. Be stable. Be patient. It may not be fair, and it may be a distance away, but you'll see it. It's there, and it won't go away.
In the meantime, accept the position you're in, because - duh - that's where you are. It is only through acceptance that you can love. Accept where you are and learn to love where you are despite its shittiness. It's difficult, but when you don't have a choice, you do it. When you try to be happy, you will earn happiness, and that feeling will be good.
This brings me to a point that is very relevant to me and many others around me, I feel. We often like to reject things we dislike - for example, climbing down the pit. But this pit is sucking us in, and if we continuously pull against it, we will tear apart, and that feels much worse than accepting the pit and letting it pull us in. We should let the pit pull us in, and from there, we can always find another way out. I'm not a rock-climber, but it's common sense that sometimes there's no platform for us to step on above, so we have to go down and find other pathways. It's the same with the pit.
Which brings me to another point that is even more relevant to me. This is about fear. According to that self-help book which I've mentioned about in my previous post, desperation is driven by a fear of not getting something. If you're desperate to get out of the pit, it's because you are so afraid of it. Unfortunately, the nature of desperation is that it controls us, and when we're controlled by our emotions, we go in vicious cycles. So, we need to let go of that fear, live in the moment, accept the situation, think positive, and move where we need to go. We cannot be desperate.
Oftentimes, things are scarier the more you enlarge them. Bacteria are invisible, but if you put them under a microscope, they are hideous. I believe fear works the same way.
Back in BMT, when I learned that I had to redo field camp, I was completely unable to accept it. I prayed it away, wishing for some miracle, which didn't come. I was tearing apart inside, although in hindsight, it wasn't that terrible. But I was really upset, and chances are, it's this rejection of the situation, along with the fear, that upset me.
So all these are reminders for myself and my dear friends who are going through tough times. It is easy to forget the power of positive thinking, living in the moment, and, very importantly, patience and faith in ourselves. Sometimes the only way out of the pit is to get a grip.
Let's draw a metaphor using a pit. It's pretty obvious, but everyone of us start out at different points of the pit. Some people start at the bottom, surrounded by darkness, coldness, and all that. Some start out near the top, and their lives are generally colourful. And then, from there, we all try climbing to the top. The top = happiness. At least, that's what we think. And then some people fall from above, some continuously rise. Some people who started from way below finally see the colours of the sky after climbing and climbing while those who fell lost their way in the newfound darkness. Some never saw the sky. Some think they'll never see the sky. But they will. Just keep climbing. Be stable. Be patient. It may not be fair, and it may be a distance away, but you'll see it. It's there, and it won't go away.
In the meantime, accept the position you're in, because - duh - that's where you are. It is only through acceptance that you can love. Accept where you are and learn to love where you are despite its shittiness. It's difficult, but when you don't have a choice, you do it. When you try to be happy, you will earn happiness, and that feeling will be good.
This brings me to a point that is very relevant to me and many others around me, I feel. We often like to reject things we dislike - for example, climbing down the pit. But this pit is sucking us in, and if we continuously pull against it, we will tear apart, and that feels much worse than accepting the pit and letting it pull us in. We should let the pit pull us in, and from there, we can always find another way out. I'm not a rock-climber, but it's common sense that sometimes there's no platform for us to step on above, so we have to go down and find other pathways. It's the same with the pit.
Which brings me to another point that is even more relevant to me. This is about fear. According to that self-help book which I've mentioned about in my previous post, desperation is driven by a fear of not getting something. If you're desperate to get out of the pit, it's because you are so afraid of it. Unfortunately, the nature of desperation is that it controls us, and when we're controlled by our emotions, we go in vicious cycles. So, we need to let go of that fear, live in the moment, accept the situation, think positive, and move where we need to go. We cannot be desperate.
Oftentimes, things are scarier the more you enlarge them. Bacteria are invisible, but if you put them under a microscope, they are hideous. I believe fear works the same way.
Back in BMT, when I learned that I had to redo field camp, I was completely unable to accept it. I prayed it away, wishing for some miracle, which didn't come. I was tearing apart inside, although in hindsight, it wasn't that terrible. But I was really upset, and chances are, it's this rejection of the situation, along with the fear, that upset me.
So all these are reminders for myself and my dear friends who are going through tough times. It is easy to forget the power of positive thinking, living in the moment, and, very importantly, patience and faith in ourselves. Sometimes the only way out of the pit is to get a grip.
Labels: preachy, reflection
How to Complicate Life
1. Be petty
When someone pisses you off, never forgive him. Never. Use language like "if he's going, I'm not going". Put a lot of emphasis on the tiniest details. If you hate someone, think of ways to make him feel horrible. Have plans on getting back on someone who pissed you off or broke your heart. Never let go. When someone ignores you twice, remember it, so that you can ignore her four times.
2. Be paranoid and afraid
Absolutely do not take any leaps of faith. Avoid risks. If you are afraid of talking to people, avoid talking to people. Keep telling yourself "I can't do it" or "I'm dead". Exaggerate every indication that something bad is about to happen. Someone looks at you? That person is laughing at you.
3. Think too much, feel too much
Acknowledge that things are not what they are. When someone tells you that he does not feel like hanging out, take it as a sign that he hates you, or that he is tired of you. Cling on to that fact and every emotion that follow. Repeat it in your mind. Tell everyone why your life sucks. Analyse every reply people give you. Let your emotions speak for you.
4. Aim high
Remind yourself that you are worthless unless you achieve something great in life. Maybe invent something, or change many people's lives. Tell yourself that anything less is bad. Make a comprehensive 10-year plan. Freak out when you move too slowly. You must be perfect and you must reach for the sky.
5. Lie
You hate someone. He asks you if you hate him. Say "no, don't think so much. I don't hate you". You screw up at work. Pretend it isn't your fault, because that's totally going to solve everything.
6. Love irresponsibly
Have utmost respect and care over one particular person. She is priority. Nothing else matters. Forget your dreams, forget your friends, forget everything else and just bask in this little bubble the two of you have created.
7. Avoid consequential thinking
YOLO. And maybe write an offensive blog post.
When someone pisses you off, never forgive him. Never. Use language like "if he's going, I'm not going". Put a lot of emphasis on the tiniest details. If you hate someone, think of ways to make him feel horrible. Have plans on getting back on someone who pissed you off or broke your heart. Never let go. When someone ignores you twice, remember it, so that you can ignore her four times.
2. Be paranoid and afraid
Absolutely do not take any leaps of faith. Avoid risks. If you are afraid of talking to people, avoid talking to people. Keep telling yourself "I can't do it" or "I'm dead". Exaggerate every indication that something bad is about to happen. Someone looks at you? That person is laughing at you.
3. Think too much, feel too much
Acknowledge that things are not what they are. When someone tells you that he does not feel like hanging out, take it as a sign that he hates you, or that he is tired of you. Cling on to that fact and every emotion that follow. Repeat it in your mind. Tell everyone why your life sucks. Analyse every reply people give you. Let your emotions speak for you.
4. Aim high
Remind yourself that you are worthless unless you achieve something great in life. Maybe invent something, or change many people's lives. Tell yourself that anything less is bad. Make a comprehensive 10-year plan. Freak out when you move too slowly. You must be perfect and you must reach for the sky.
5. Lie
You hate someone. He asks you if you hate him. Say "no, don't think so much. I don't hate you". You screw up at work. Pretend it isn't your fault, because that's totally going to solve everything.
6. Love irresponsibly
Have utmost respect and care over one particular person. She is priority. Nothing else matters. Forget your dreams, forget your friends, forget everything else and just bask in this little bubble the two of you have created.
7. Avoid consequential thinking
YOLO. And maybe write an offensive blog post.
Everything is Wrong
Just a random entry talking about my slight dislike for overly critical, smartass people - those who seem to always think they can do better than experienced or skilled talents, like how almost every Singaporean (me included) criticise Singaporean shows and talk about how much they suck. I think we would've only have earned the right to do so when we are able to make shows that actually suck less than those that we condemn.
Sometimes we (me included) criticise too much. We set our expectations so high and we actually feel like we deserve to have those standards met. But we shouldn't.
This is especially so for things that other people are doing for us; TV show making, game design, education, politics, cooking, etc. People we interact with may mess up and not do their job well, or their products may not be up to standard. But still, if not for them, we would not have gotten our shows (although you can argue about choices...), our education, our food, etc. It's actually pretty disgusting how ungrateful we can be at times.
I think that it's okay to voice our opinions and stuff. It's in our nature to give feedback, complain, discuss about how much you hate a show, and so on. But there's this fine, undefinable line we should not cross. It gets too much when we start bringing the creators into it - things like "what's the government even doing?" or "the editor is lousy", or "this stupid teacher doesn't know her stuff" - because when we criticise, we are only one unit each giving the "attack". The receiver receives so much more.
If you think of it like a game, maybe each enemy takes away 1HP from you, and you have 100HP. Have 50 of those enemies and it won't be long before you're dead.
What's worse is when people criticise without thinking. Smartass people who analyse a lot and criticise a lot as a result is one thing, but people who do not think before they shoot, especially keyboard warriors, are on another level altogether.
People who expect the newest chapter of a manga to be a certain way and get all pissed when it doesn't go the way he/she expects it. Those who complain without offering solutions. As someone in a One Piece forum best puts it: "How else would you have handled this character development?"
It's easy to say "this sucks", or "stupid policies that don't make sense", or "this chapter is by far the worst One Piece chapter ever", but how else would you have done it? What sucks is that the critic does not have an answer.
Sometimes we (me included) criticise too much. We set our expectations so high and we actually feel like we deserve to have those standards met. But we shouldn't.
This is especially so for things that other people are doing for us; TV show making, game design, education, politics, cooking, etc. People we interact with may mess up and not do their job well, or their products may not be up to standard. But still, if not for them, we would not have gotten our shows (although you can argue about choices...), our education, our food, etc. It's actually pretty disgusting how ungrateful we can be at times.
I think that it's okay to voice our opinions and stuff. It's in our nature to give feedback, complain, discuss about how much you hate a show, and so on. But there's this fine, undefinable line we should not cross. It gets too much when we start bringing the creators into it - things like "what's the government even doing?" or "the editor is lousy", or "this stupid teacher doesn't know her stuff" - because when we criticise, we are only one unit each giving the "attack". The receiver receives so much more.
If you think of it like a game, maybe each enemy takes away 1HP from you, and you have 100HP. Have 50 of those enemies and it won't be long before you're dead.
What's worse is when people criticise without thinking. Smartass people who analyse a lot and criticise a lot as a result is one thing, but people who do not think before they shoot, especially keyboard warriors, are on another level altogether.
People who expect the newest chapter of a manga to be a certain way and get all pissed when it doesn't go the way he/she expects it. Those who complain without offering solutions. As someone in a One Piece forum best puts it: "How else would you have handled this character development?"
It's easy to say "this sucks", or "stupid policies that don't make sense", or "this chapter is by far the worst One Piece chapter ever", but how else would you have done it? What sucks is that the critic does not have an answer.
Those Aren't Flaws
Brace yourself. I've finally got into a blogging mood and this shall be a preachy post.
1. Backtracking to a previous post
One good thing about having a blog is that you can type preachy stuffs in it so that next time, maybe one year later, you can go back and read it again. From that, you may learn stuffs that you have forgotten. I wrote a lot of preachy posts last time, one of it is title 'cracks'. I was talking about my previous phone and how there was a crack on the camera. But because there was a crack on the camera, some of my picture look nicer than if the crack wasn't there.
Looking at what I wrote again, I suddenly felt that I had dumbed down as times passed. I had been feeling so ashamed of my flaws that I was trying to kill them off. What I forgot to do was to embrace my flaws (my cracks) and let them bring a new form of beauty into my life.
Maybe a reckless person goes on more fun adventures due to his "flaw". Maybe a low-EQ person is happier because he is less sensitive. Maybe an anti-social can create a more diverse world of imagination with his introverted thoughts.
So maybe there aren't really flaws. Maybe they're cracks, but not flaws, because a crack may not be a flaw. It may hinder, but it may help too.
2. RPG roles and stats
The other day, Joey, Stef, Cx and I were having this really fun discussion about RPG (role-playing games) job/class kind of thing. We were associating people we know with classes. For example, I was associated with swordsman, and Stefanie was associated with Heavy Scout. We associated people based on their real-life "stats". For those of you who are unfamiliar with stats, they are basically a list of attributes of a person associated with a number (the higher the number, the better). For example, one attribute can be 'intelligence'. If your intelligence is 1, it is really bad, but if your intelligence is 100, it is really good.
Anyway, we associated people we knew with classes based on stats. We discussed what each person's highest stat was. Apparently, Cx's was intelligence. Of course, Cx, of course.
So, the point is, every class can do something. A sage can cast super powerful spells whereas a battle-mage can cast so-so spells and fight at the same time. A bard can strengthen his/her teammates and a healer can heal. But a healer cannot fight. He is helpless on his own. But every RPG party wants a healer because, well, he can heal.
There are many of such classes around in real life too - Healers, who are valuable in groups but cannot be alone; assassins, who are meant to be alone; harlequins, who can charm people but can't fight; battle-mage, who can do everything okay but not impressively; swordsman, who can fight close combats but is helpless from afar.
They are all useful and useless at the same time. We are probably all useful and useless at the same time too. Linking it back to part 1 of this post, we all have this crack that we can use to our advantage.
To wrap it up, this quote came to my mind randomly the other time: "This world needs all kinds of people". Personally, I find it true, because I came up with the quote.
Labels: personality, preachy
Philosophy with a Point
My philosophy used to be to "make the impossible possible", which I failed to an extent because I wasn't brave enough to do so many things. Then I changed it to "think positive at all times", which was super hard. I found myself forgetting this philosophy altogether. But because I had these philosophies, I was able to improve my life by changing myself. If I had not tried to make the impossible possible, I wouldn't have had such high expectations of myself, and I wouldn't have studied hard, pursued my passion, go gymming, and face my flaws. If I didn't think positive, I would've been a depressed piece of pancake.
I think those philosophies helped, but I guess I should diminish my insecure nature, in the sense that I realise I don't have to "settle somewhere" to live life okay. So, for now, my philosophy is to be spontaneous, especially now, since my life is really messy. Not in the emotional-mess kind of way. Rather, it's the "there's so many things to work on and I don't know where I am" kind of mess.
That was exactly the kind of mess I like to shun from. As much as I thrive under a busy schedule, I only like it when it is a busy but organised schedule that ensures that I have enough time to complete and do everything I want to do. Also, I used to find this kind of mess pointless. Let's say part of this mess was that I had to control my temper. I tended to get lost in my goals + other commitments to the point that I completely stop trying to pursue them.
But of course, that someone I mentioned in my previous post also convinced me that a lot of things were not pointless as I put it. There is a point in everything, and he was right. As much as I did not reach my goal, I moved from my spot. I think it's like running intervals. I may not be running far enough for long enough, but I'm running at high speed, and stopping, and running again. I guess that is the point.
Back to the point of being spontaneous, I believe that I can no longer be the control freak that I am over life. It's slightly hard to believe, but I hardly find myself checking my assignments compulsively against the marking checklist, or compulsively reflecting on my personal goal's progress. Or setting tasks for the day. Or planning to do question 1 on Monday and question 2 on Tuesday.
So things should just happen. Control freakishness is not the way to go. At least for now.
I think those philosophies helped, but I guess I should diminish my insecure nature, in the sense that I realise I don't have to "settle somewhere" to live life okay. So, for now, my philosophy is to be spontaneous, especially now, since my life is really messy. Not in the emotional-mess kind of way. Rather, it's the "there's so many things to work on and I don't know where I am" kind of mess.
That was exactly the kind of mess I like to shun from. As much as I thrive under a busy schedule, I only like it when it is a busy but organised schedule that ensures that I have enough time to complete and do everything I want to do. Also, I used to find this kind of mess pointless. Let's say part of this mess was that I had to control my temper. I tended to get lost in my goals + other commitments to the point that I completely stop trying to pursue them.
But of course, that someone I mentioned in my previous post also convinced me that a lot of things were not pointless as I put it. There is a point in everything, and he was right. As much as I did not reach my goal, I moved from my spot. I think it's like running intervals. I may not be running far enough for long enough, but I'm running at high speed, and stopping, and running again. I guess that is the point.
Back to the point of being spontaneous, I believe that I can no longer be the control freak that I am over life. It's slightly hard to believe, but I hardly find myself checking my assignments compulsively against the marking checklist, or compulsively reflecting on my personal goal's progress. Or setting tasks for the day. Or planning to do question 1 on Monday and question 2 on Tuesday.
So things should just happen. Control freakishness is not the way to go. At least for now.
Labels: personality, preachy, reflection
Source of Power
These few days had been a real test on my ability to believe. And now, I feel that belief is the source of power.
What I mean by 'power' in the first place is the ability to take control of your own lives and influence the people around you. The thing about such power is that we all have it, just in different areas. Some people have more social power, some have more personal power, some have more academic power, and so on.
I feel that it all comes from what we believe in. Of course, it's naive to say that just by believing in something, one can achieve that thing. That's why I feel that belief is the source of power, but not power itself. Belief is the engine that drives people, that give them a kickstart to whatever they are about to do.
Someone who wants to lead a country have to first believe in the country's potential and in his/her own abilities. Two people who want to get together have to believe in one another. Someone who wants to do something as simple as writing a blog has to believe in the whole rationale of writing a blog. The list goes on.
So, these few days had been a lot of hoping and attempting to believe. As much as I proclaim to be a superstitious person, as much as I like to say things like "everything will somehow fall into place", and as much as I believe in my religion, I usually have doubts. But in these few days, I had to believe in the law of attraction, in my ability to cope with things, and most importantly, in my religion.
I don't think I can elaborate on what exactly I'm talking about, but basically I was living in fear for two days and believing was the only thing that could save me. So, I did, with a lot of help, and I think my believes and my parents and my religious leader saved me from falling into depths. Not to forget the law of attraction.
And then something more happened today, when I went to see the doctor for my stomach again. The past few days, I had been trying to use the law of attraction to attract the fact that I can eat CNY tidbits. Although I wasn't able to recover before today and get the doctor to say "your stomach is in perfect condition", I was able to at least attract the fact that I could eat CNY tidbits.
The doctor told me that I could eat most food if I keep in moderation, with the exception of spicy food. No big feasts for me yet, but small little pleasures to stop myself from going emo. I still believe I can recover before CNY. That's the first step to making it happen.
What I mean by 'power' in the first place is the ability to take control of your own lives and influence the people around you. The thing about such power is that we all have it, just in different areas. Some people have more social power, some have more personal power, some have more academic power, and so on.
I feel that it all comes from what we believe in. Of course, it's naive to say that just by believing in something, one can achieve that thing. That's why I feel that belief is the source of power, but not power itself. Belief is the engine that drives people, that give them a kickstart to whatever they are about to do.
Someone who wants to lead a country have to first believe in the country's potential and in his/her own abilities. Two people who want to get together have to believe in one another. Someone who wants to do something as simple as writing a blog has to believe in the whole rationale of writing a blog. The list goes on.
So, these few days had been a lot of hoping and attempting to believe. As much as I proclaim to be a superstitious person, as much as I like to say things like "everything will somehow fall into place", and as much as I believe in my religion, I usually have doubts. But in these few days, I had to believe in the law of attraction, in my ability to cope with things, and most importantly, in my religion.
I don't think I can elaborate on what exactly I'm talking about, but basically I was living in fear for two days and believing was the only thing that could save me. So, I did, with a lot of help, and I think my believes and my parents and my religious leader saved me from falling into depths. Not to forget the law of attraction.
And then something more happened today, when I went to see the doctor for my stomach again. The past few days, I had been trying to use the law of attraction to attract the fact that I can eat CNY tidbits. Although I wasn't able to recover before today and get the doctor to say "your stomach is in perfect condition", I was able to at least attract the fact that I could eat CNY tidbits.
The doctor told me that I could eat most food if I keep in moderation, with the exception of spicy food. No big feasts for me yet, but small little pleasures to stop myself from going emo. I still believe I can recover before CNY. That's the first step to making it happen.
Labels: health, preachy, reflection
Not One Mistake
Are you a perfectionist?
A perfectionist is someone who wants no mistake. He does not like seeing things not completely right. I guess i'm sort of one, though not completely.
But Asahina from "Diamond Dust Drops" is a complete perfectionist:
Asahina is a character from a not-so-famous anime called "Kita-e ~ Diamond Dust Drops". She is the director in her school's film-making club and she has won lots of awards. As a result, expectations on her are high and she became a perfectionist through time. The filming crew must be perfectly disciplined. The actors' acting must be perfect too. Every little imperfection ticks her off. Whenever she is not satisfied something, she totally cuts it off.
As a result, her life became very stressful as she constantly felt pressurised. Her daily life included her worrying about her latest film project everyday, with her thinking thoughts like "What if i don't win the award this year?" She became too critical with senseless films and she became angry at the filming club everyday. Her perfectionism didn't only cause herself to feel stressed, but it caused the whole club to feel tense too. Deciding that they had had enough of Asahina's unreasonably high expectations, the filming club did something to piss her off on purpose: Destroy the film they had been working on. Asahina could not take it and left the crew, intending to do up a film herself. So, she asked her boyfriend to accompany her to different places to film sceneries. However, none of the sceneries seemed to be perfect enough for her, so she didn't get anything done. Her boyfriend tried to remind her about the true purpose of filming: To enjoy the process. However, Asahina scolded him and said he did not understand the pressure she had been going through. She said that she would be happy if her boyfriend would stop bothering her.
And the next day, her boyfriend is gone. She had lost everything.
That was when she found a documentary sort of thing which her boyfriend made of her on the shelf.
It showed how she used to admit that she's just a novice, the times when awards were just extras to her and she filmed because she enjoyed it, not because she wanted to win. Asahina was astonished by who she used to be. That was when she finally realised that she was blinded by perfectionism.
Due to her perfectionism, she had lost everything.
I guess the moral of the story is pretty clear. Perfectionism can cause great stress to you and the people around you. If you seek perfection in everything, chances are, like Asahina, you get blinded. You get blinded that things are not good enough and you forget how to be satisfied.
And satisfaction is the key to happiness.
So what happened at the end of the story? Asahina actually learnt her lesson, and she began letting go of perfectionism. From then on, she smiled more and her life became happier. She eventually reunited with her boyfriend.
Of course, perfectionism has its good points: Higher expectations, better result. But still, nothing can be perfect. We all have to learn to be satisfied with what we have right now.
We can do that by technical means such as listing down things you should be grateful for. We can do that by repetitive thought patterns, like saying thank you to the world every morning. We can do that by looking at the bright side of the world.
Let go of perfection, and live life imperfectly. This is the beauty of life.
Story: Kita-e ~ Diamond Dust Drops by Red Entertainment
Image: http://www.animetaku.com/anime/kita-e-diamond-dust-drops::419.html
A perfectionist is someone who wants no mistake. He does not like seeing things not completely right. I guess i'm sort of one, though not completely.
But Asahina from "Diamond Dust Drops" is a complete perfectionist:
Asahina is a character from a not-so-famous anime called "Kita-e ~ Diamond Dust Drops". She is the director in her school's film-making club and she has won lots of awards. As a result, expectations on her are high and she became a perfectionist through time. The filming crew must be perfectly disciplined. The actors' acting must be perfect too. Every little imperfection ticks her off. Whenever she is not satisfied something, she totally cuts it off.As a result, her life became very stressful as she constantly felt pressurised. Her daily life included her worrying about her latest film project everyday, with her thinking thoughts like "What if i don't win the award this year?" She became too critical with senseless films and she became angry at the filming club everyday. Her perfectionism didn't only cause herself to feel stressed, but it caused the whole club to feel tense too. Deciding that they had had enough of Asahina's unreasonably high expectations, the filming club did something to piss her off on purpose: Destroy the film they had been working on. Asahina could not take it and left the crew, intending to do up a film herself. So, she asked her boyfriend to accompany her to different places to film sceneries. However, none of the sceneries seemed to be perfect enough for her, so she didn't get anything done. Her boyfriend tried to remind her about the true purpose of filming: To enjoy the process. However, Asahina scolded him and said he did not understand the pressure she had been going through. She said that she would be happy if her boyfriend would stop bothering her.
And the next day, her boyfriend is gone. She had lost everything.
That was when she found a documentary sort of thing which her boyfriend made of her on the shelf.
It showed how she used to admit that she's just a novice, the times when awards were just extras to her and she filmed because she enjoyed it, not because she wanted to win. Asahina was astonished by who she used to be. That was when she finally realised that she was blinded by perfectionism.
Due to her perfectionism, she had lost everything.
I guess the moral of the story is pretty clear. Perfectionism can cause great stress to you and the people around you. If you seek perfection in everything, chances are, like Asahina, you get blinded. You get blinded that things are not good enough and you forget how to be satisfied.
And satisfaction is the key to happiness.
So what happened at the end of the story? Asahina actually learnt her lesson, and she began letting go of perfectionism. From then on, she smiled more and her life became happier. She eventually reunited with her boyfriend.
Of course, perfectionism has its good points: Higher expectations, better result. But still, nothing can be perfect. We all have to learn to be satisfied with what we have right now.
We can do that by technical means such as listing down things you should be grateful for. We can do that by repetitive thought patterns, like saying thank you to the world every morning. We can do that by looking at the bright side of the world.
Let go of perfection, and live life imperfectly. This is the beauty of life.
Story: Kita-e ~ Diamond Dust Drops by Red Entertainment
Image: http://www.animetaku.com/anime/kita-e-diamond-dust-drops::419.html
Labels: anime/manga, preachy