Some time ago, I read an article somewhere that said something to the effect of "instead of deciding on what kind of benefits you want in your life, decide on what kind of pain are you willing to go through to get to where you want to be", and I thought it made a lot of sense.

These past one year plus has opened my eyes to a lot of things. It made me more self-conscious, made me doubt myself, utterly destroyed me, and then prompted me to stand back up. But wait! Before you think it's all about army, let me just say that army is just the environment; the environment doesn't make us, the people do.

Anyway, I always had this naive believe that it's possible to get what I want with minimal pain, minimal failure, and minimal discouragement, as long as I choose my path wisely. But life teaches us that there will be difficulties no matter what we choose to do. Say, if I want to be a therapist, I'll have to go through a lot of psychological setbacks before I can gain the ability to understand people and the things they suffer from. I'll then have to study a lot, work really hard, and maybe lead a relatively lonely life. If, on the other hand, I choose to be a scriptwriter, I'll have to watch TV - a lot of it. I have to watch shows I like and shows I hate, and I have to force myself to enjoy things I really don't. Then, I'll have to face a lot of external conflicts because ideas are passionate stuff and they always clash. There is also the audience's negative reaction, low pay, etc.

My point is that there will be different pain that comes with different choices. There's no avoiding them. However, we get to choose. Am I more willing to go through financial difficulty amidst a wealthy soul (and perhaps watch my would-be family suffer) or am I more willing to have a less fulfilling life with more stability?

And after we choose our pain, we stick with it and take ownership of it. Recently, I've learned that taking ownership of whatever you go through and whatever you are is self-empowerment. When we own this pain that we chose, we are powerful enough to get through it or to live it. It becomes part of us and it's okay, because it's always a duality: Good and bad; comfort and pain.

I think I made my choice but I shall not share them yet. I hope you made yours.

Labels: preachy, reflection