Being a writer-in-training, it must be really ironic to say that words are too difficult to use to express my feelings. Usually there are just so much going on it's easy to get overwhelmed and lost by words. In fact, sometimes the right words just don't come. More importantly, words are too direct. People judge, and that's the last thing I want.

Which is why abstract stuff are fun to create and analyse. I remember in literature, I actually enjoyed poem analysis, and analysed a couple of poems on my own despite not being required to. Same when I see people's handwritings and stories and such. It's about getting into things that are not said, and things that are hardly even suggested. Best thing is that nothing is solid fact, so everything is an assumption.

So when my class went to Arteastiq to do some painting yesterday, the first thing that occured to me was doing something abstract. No second thoughts, didn't even consider them. In fact, I was expecting everyone else to do it too. But I gave up after realising there's nothing that I want to show through the painting, so I just let my instincts run my mind. Problem is, the mind is a scary thing which exposes a lot more than we want them to, so my painting ended up being meaningful, though no one understood it in the first place.

My philosophy and psychology lecturer was commenting on how dark and disturbing my painting was, which really made me think. I knew that everything has a meaning. The subconscious is more powerful than we usually think so it expresses truths and feelings through colours and symbols. When I searched some stuff up (I'm very obsessed when it comes to analysing certain things), I felt threatened.

It was wordless, yet everything was spelt out. My mind isn't as dark as my painting, but there is something in there I never want to let out. Maybe a little of subtlety can save it from exploding.

Maybe I'm more of an abstract creator.