Honestly speaking, it's pretty new information to me when people tell me that I'm a detached person. If detached means 'separated from the complicated web of relationships', I'm not that surprised. If detached means 'close myself up and hide behind a barrier', that's just partially true.

But isn't everyone the same? Aren't we all desperately trying to protect ourselves? Don't we all put up barriers, lie, run away, camouflage, adapt, act, and compromise to bring ourselves to safety? There's nothing wrong with it. We're just human.

Apparently the thing about me is that I'm not a dependable person. As much as I struggle to admit it, it's true if I think of it objectively. Without conscious effort, I shy away from problems, be it my own or other people's. I don't like intensity. My life is all about making everything better, brighter, and 'everything' doesn't refer to the people around me. It refers to my circumstances. My life is about me.

As much as I am willing to listen and try to make people feel better and solve people's problems, it is not easy to tell me anything in the first place. Sometimes I really asked myself why, but I'm quite sure now that one reason is that I'm not a very brotherly/mentorly figure. I'm just there. At the same time I hardly confide in anyone. I guess the word is 'independent', at least I feel so.

I don't really get the whole 'take care of you', 'take care of me' thing. The whole 'I need to make you happy' thing. I mean, honestly, I can't do that well in my life already. Who am I to help anyone? I won't mind, but I'm just not the kind people will want to approach. I believe that we should all be strong and take care of ourselves. Afterall, no one else is living their lives for you, neither are you living your life for anyone else.

But of course, this is just me. Everyone is different. Initially, I was so affected by these things about me always being the last to know about stuff, the last people will think of in times of stress. Not anymore. I'm just like that. Everyone has his/her own unique flavour.

Some are more dependable, more brotherly/sisterly. Some are more popular. Some are smarter, more observant. Some are kinder, some are others-centered, some are more selfish, and some are just plain strong. What's the point of feeling bad over a missing quality?

Like one of my friend said to me the other time, when you lack something in one area, you have something extra in another area. So why compare?