1. Be petty
When someone pisses you off, never forgive him. Never. Use language like "if he's going, I'm not going". Put a lot of emphasis on the tiniest details. If you hate someone, think of ways to make him feel horrible. Have plans on getting back on someone who pissed you off or broke your heart. Never let go. When someone ignores you twice, remember it, so that you can ignore her four times.

2. Be paranoid and afraid
Absolutely do not take any leaps of faith. Avoid risks. If you are afraid of talking to people, avoid talking to people. Keep telling yourself "I can't do it" or "I'm dead". Exaggerate every indication that something bad is about to happen. Someone looks at you? That person is laughing at you.

3. Think too much, feel too much
Acknowledge that things are not what they are. When someone tells you that he does not feel like hanging out, take it as a sign that he hates you, or that he is tired of you. Cling on to that fact and every emotion that follow. Repeat it in your mind. Tell everyone why your life sucks. Analyse every reply people give you. Let your emotions speak for you.

4. Aim high
Remind yourself that you are worthless unless you achieve something great in life. Maybe invent something, or change many people's lives. Tell yourself that anything less is bad. Make a comprehensive 10-year plan. Freak out when you move too slowly. You must be perfect and you must reach for the sky.

5. Lie
You hate someone. He asks you if you hate him. Say "no, don't think so much. I don't hate you". You screw up at work. Pretend it isn't your fault, because that's totally going to solve everything.

6. Love irresponsibly
Have utmost respect and care over one particular person. She is priority. Nothing else matters. Forget your dreams, forget your friends, forget everything else and just bask in this little bubble the two of you have created.

7. Avoid consequential thinking
YOLO. And maybe write an offensive blog post.

Labels: preachy, rants