Okay, I should really be rushing transcipts now, but... They're transcripts.

So recently, my fortune cookie app prompted me to think about this thing called "what you've been dreaming about your whole life", and that actually made me think, a lot. I think I did realise what I was suppose to realise, and I kind of figured certain things out, but that's not completely the point. The point is, what I wanted and the kind of people I met affected me quite a lot throughout my life, and I have a few groups of friends/acquaintances that I feel grateful to have through these stages of my life. So this post is dedicated to them. Kind of a thank you thing.

I get the feeling that it may end up quite personal and emotional, so if you're not up for it, you've been warned.

To the people who made the worst days of my teenage years:
You guys were a turning point in my life, in both good and bad ways. I went to you unguarded, and stuck on days after days of your nonsense, but it was worth it. That's because you filled in a gap for me during those days. Without you, I would've been an epic loser. I feel like I've talked about this way too many times, so I shan't elaborate much.

To the mehmehs (although we kind of aren't the mehmehs anymore):
At first, I wanted to make this whole thing anonymous, but I'm trying to do this thing where I openly express my affections and stuff, so, yeah. I hope it works. Anyway, to put it in a really cheesy way, I'll say you saved me, in very subtle ways.

Before you, my main objective in life was to fit in like a piece, and be like everyone else so that I can live my life impressing those around me, and being "good enough" for everyone. It's not even a secret that for a very long time, I needed acceptance. But you guys unintentionally (or maybe some of you intentionally) showed me another way - accepting myself and, perhaps, finding myself.

And eventually, I found myself, and I think I kind of accept myself for who I am now.

So yeah, it's not a very dramatic thing or a one-off situation that improved my life, but the little things you inspired in me. I guess it's just you being you.

To my poly friends:
You guys are a complicated lot, to be honest. Thanks to that, you managed to bring a lot, a lot of changes to my life. As some of you pointed out, I changed throughout these three years - less stubborn/intense, less fragile, and stuff.

Which is probably true, because I feel like I'm no longer that transparent glass that shatters when you so much as rub it too much. I'm still pretty fragile, but not as much, I hope. I guess I've been promoted to a porcelain cup or something. And then of course, group projects and stuff, and a duration of me feeling forever left out made me realise certain things about myself and the people around me.

And the one thing that I'm really thankful for is that you guys helped me fulfill things I deemed as my goals ever since primary school. As I've mentioned, for a very long time, I needed acceptance, and perhaps some significance, and you gave that to me. You were the first who didn't look down on me in certain areas, and the first besides my family who willingly celebrated my birthdays and such (have I mentioned before how I forced people to celebrate my birthdays? :P). I'm still really grateful about the whole yacht thing.

To a separate group of friends, also from my course:
I lied a little during our sharing session, but I'm pretty sure it's really obvious. I think some of you lied as well. But that night, which may have been insignificant for some of you, was pretty important to me, in the sense that I said things I otherwise would never have shared. Thanks for opening that channel up for me, but still, whatever is said that night stays in that night.

To my internship friends and acquaintances (production, not office):
For one of my first few times, I really felt like a team, rather than an individual in a team. Thanks for that. It was really important to me.

To my parents:
I'll never forget that you were there through some of my harder days, like that time when I felt super lost after quitting from NTUC, or through the first few days of my internship, when my phone and laptop gave out on me when I needed them most. And then there's the whole thing where you woke up super early to cook lunch for me because I told you that my warehouse workplace didn't have canteen. I can never say anything decent to you like that, but thanks a lot. Sorry and I hope that one day, I'll become better.

Yup, so that's the list of people I wanted to thank after my moments of sentimentality.

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Labels: personality, reflection, reliving those days