My philosophy used to be to "make the impossible possible", which I failed to an extent because I wasn't brave enough to do so many things. Then I changed it to "think positive at all times", which was super hard. I found myself forgetting this philosophy altogether. But because I had these philosophies, I was able to improve my life by changing myself. If I had not tried to make the impossible possible, I wouldn't have had such high expectations of myself, and I wouldn't have studied hard, pursued my passion, go gymming, and face my flaws. If I didn't think positive, I would've been a depressed piece of pancake.

I think those philosophies helped, but I guess I should diminish my insecure nature, in the sense that I realise I don't have to "settle somewhere" to live life okay. So, for now, my philosophy is to be spontaneous, especially now, since my life is really messy. Not in the emotional-mess kind of way. Rather, it's the "there's so many things to work on and I don't know where I am" kind of mess.

That was exactly the kind of mess I like to shun from. As much as I thrive under a busy schedule, I only like it when it is a busy but organised schedule that ensures that I have enough time to complete and do everything I want to do. Also, I used to find this kind of mess pointless. Let's say part of this mess was that I had to control my temper. I tended to get lost in my goals + other commitments to the point that I completely stop trying to pursue them.

But of course, that someone I mentioned in my previous post also convinced me that a lot of things were not pointless as I put it. There is a point in everything, and he was right. As much as I did not reach my goal, I moved from my spot. I think it's like running intervals. I may not be running far enough for long enough, but I'm running at high speed, and stopping, and running again. I guess that is the point.

Back to the point of being spontaneous, I believe that I can no longer be the control freak that I am over life. It's slightly hard to believe, but I hardly find myself checking my assignments compulsively against the marking checklist, or compulsively reflecting on my personal goal's progress. Or setting tasks for the day. Or planning to do question 1 on Monday and question 2 on Tuesday.

So things should just happen. Control freakishness is not the way to go. At least for now.

Labels: personality, preachy, reflection