Negative stuff. If you're not up for it, just shoo!

One
You guys like to think that you are right, and that you understand my issues better than I do. Somehow, my stomach issues are fabricated by me, and it's all psychological, and a result of paranoia. How I wish. More than one person continuously hinted to me that my stomach isn't as bad as I feel, but what do others know? You're not the one feeling uncomfortable nights after nights. Not the one who wake up suddenly and wonder how to fall back asleep. You're not the one who can't eat oily food, milky food, acidic food, spicy food, fruits, can't drink coffee, tea, beverages, and anything nice. Of course it's easy to say "I think your condition isn't that bad". It's really easy to say "it's just a bit, nevermind one". But you're not the only one telling me that. So many people tempt me, and tell me to just take a little bit and nothing will happen. A little bit, a little bit, and then I stop and they say things like "you act like there's a hole in your stomach". What do you know?

I am really desperate to recover. I miss nice food. I miss my mornings with my coffee, and I'm always watching others eating stuffs that I want to eat, while I choose healthier and less nice alternatives. And I can't exercise because it'll hurt my stomach. So, I become skinnier and skinnier. I went to Malaysia where there were so much cheap food, yet I couldn't get anything. But I tried not to complain and not to act like I'm in some deep misery. I'm obviously not. But I'm so sick of this.

Two
I'm always like this. Even the first impressions I give are the wrong ones. Creepy, awkward, weird. You don't have to tell me. I know. And I'm desperate to change too, and I've been on this topic for who knows how many years. I wish I can be myself but not be alone.

Three
Sometimes people can be great hypocrites. Go on and preach about the truth in life, to preach about inner strength. Go on and insist on being independent, and insist on being flawed. But at the end of the day, the actions like to contradict the words. Then they end up alone, nowhere to go. Nothing to say. Nothing to do. Sometimes someone reaches out his/her hands, but these are hands of kindness. At the end of the day, one can only be saved so much. Sometimes I hate myself because of this.

Labels: emo