When i write blog entries, sometimes i discuss about problems i face as well. As i type, i teach myself things which my conscious know but my subconscious don't. After a rather long time of not posting blog entries that are meant to help people realise stuff, i'm going to do so now. This time, it's about self-esteem.

One
You sit at one of the tables, taking a sip from your drink. Your eyes capture the image of happy people dancing to the music, feeling so high, feeling so comfortable with the surroundings. Then you think about yourself. You want to dance too, but you're afraid. You fear that you will look stupid, you fear that people will look at you with weird eyes, you fear that you'll mess up, and you fear that you're just weird and alien. You continue sitting where you are, and starts to emo.

Two
You stand right beside your friend, who is seated on a piano seat. In moments time, she begins playing a very beautiful piece. Suddenly, you feel that there is nothing you can do well enough. Piano was supposed to be your fort, but suddenly, you can't catch up to the standard. You feel lousy and begins to emo.

Three
You said "hi" to the new person in class, trying to be friends with him. Suddenly, your other classmate pops in and shouts "yo!" while hugging him. You feel lousy. Others can do better, yet why is it you who feel uncomfortable with casual greetings? You give up on being friends with that new person and starts to emo.

Why?
You lack self-esteem. You start to not believe in yourself. You start being afraid. You compare yourself with others and value yourself based on unimportant things. You lose sight of your strengths and start to focus on your weakness. Perhaps you start trying to eliminate your weakness. But, you will never achieve perfection. I don't know why, but it's impossible. Or maybe it's possible, but it'll take a long, long time and you would've given up on perfection by then. Might as well give up now.

What can you do?
None of the following are professional advice. They're merely my opinions.

1. Stop comparing yourself with others. Don't value yourself based on talents, social skills, comfort, etc. You are you, and you have things that you can do but others don't. You're blinded by your insecurities therefore you can't think of anything you're good at. For now, just give yourself as much love, trust and chances as you can. Stop worrying and just be as you are. Don't worry about improving yourself as if you're really that lousy. Everyone has potential, but many cover it up with a blanket of insecurity. You too.

2. Give up on being perfect. You'll kill yourself before you achieve perfection. Be grateful for whatever good moral values, adequate skills and so on that you have. Even if you think you have nothing, you are good as you are. On a side note, i find it easier to be friends with humble people. Low self-esteem is excessive humbleness, but as long as you believe you'll shine when the time comes, you will. By then, you would've learnt an important lesson of being humble yet confident of yourself. Those who've never felt inferior and never had low self-esteem may not be able to understand that.

3. Accept the truth in life. The truth is, problems and negative thoughts will always come to you. You cannot get rid of them.

4. Don't be superficial.

5. Read and watch. Read and watch self-help books and videos, "love yourself" articles, and generally positive stuff. Each may not have much impact on you, but combined together, they make you feel positive.

6. Be happy. When you're happy, you start to look at things in the positive side. Then you'll look at yourself in the positive side too! And this worked for me.

The following are learnt from various self-help books and articles that i read.

7. Praise people. I used to constantly criticise people, and therefore i became wary of my own behaviour too such that i began to criticise myself as well, which resulted in low self-esteem. The reverse also works. Praise people, become wary of your own good behaviours, and then praise yourself, feel praised, feel good, boost your ego.

8. Manage your negative thoughts. Whenever you start thinking negatively, tell your subconscious to STOP. Then, replace the negative thoughts with a positive thoughts. (eg. "I am lousy because i can't play the piano..." "STOP." "I can't play the piano but i try hard enough. eventually, i'll be able to do it super well! I'm good :D")

9. Manage your anger and be constructive. Instead of complaining about a situation, do something about it to change it. this way you'll feel happier, and happy people are more confident of themselves.

On a last note


Katy Perry's "Firework" MV and lyrics